So as much as I want to sleep, and as much as I need sleep, I need to get somethings said...
GOD IS SOOOOO GREAT!!!!
I mean, its already been a year since John died, but then again it has only been a year! What was unthinkable at this very moment last year happened, John went to be with Jesus, but even greater......What was unthinkable was how God was going to prove His faithfulness, His mercy, His love, His comfort, His power, His amazing restoration. And He has. I can't explain it, but I don't imagine anybody can, because God does the impossible, its what He's good at.
I last talked to John Dec 25th, 2007 at approx 10:40 p.m. Crazy but when your brother dies you tend to remember odd details (but then again I forget some details too). It's weird, having grown up with your best friend, knowing them every second of your life, and then one day, it just goes away. But then, what an awesome testimony it is that God fills that void. Come on, He is the friend that is closer than a brother! God has done so many things in my heart alone, not to mention the countless others that have been changed as well. And for those things I would not have John in exchange. I miss John, I always will. But God is greater still, and if losing John means more of God, then I'll take it.
While John's death was devastating, it caused me to turn to the Redeemer.
While John's death broke my heart, it allowed the Healer of the broken to come in.
While John's death could have stolen my joy, God instead promised a fullness of Joy.
While John's death separated me from one that I love, it drove me closer to The Love.
While John's death dug into my heart, it gave way for overflowing waters to dwell.
I was reading a few days ago the 43rd chapter of Isaiah* (I highly recommend it!) and it was jumping off the page at me! Everything was so true to what God does and so much of it I have witnessed this past year dealing with John's death. It even starts out "But God..."! Just like what I wrote earlier, those few lines up there, about how horrible it seemed, but how with God it was created for good! And it continues.... that I am His, I have been redeemed, that when the waters come (for they will come), that they should not overcome me! Which they have not, Praise Jesus! And as I have walked through the fire, I have not been burned, nor consumed by its flame. God has protected! That He has made a way through the sea, through the mighty waters, because I know He has, He has led me through it! "Behold for He is doing a new thing" and boy when He does a new thing He does a new thing! He does not hold back. Just as He says that he will make a way and streams in the desert. Here is the blessing, but do we perceive it? Because He wants us to! And then the funny thing was that Isaiah 43 is exactly what Pastor David Reynolds taught on the Sunday after John died, and I listened to it last night and every word of comfort that God spoke through David, I could now confirm that God has been true to His promises. God has a way of doing that!
I have been finding out that God uses water (fountains, rivers, wells, etc) to speak to me often and here's just one thing that He has showed me lately. A dear friend a few weeks ago shared with me how when she looks at me she sees a deep well, which is no credit to me because it is only by what Christ has done! But the response I had came straight from God that I needed to hear: Do you know how long it took to dig that well, how empty that well had to be before it could overflow with Living waters? Zing! And ever since then it is amazing just how the picture of a water well can relate to what God is doing inside of me. God takes things, like John's death, to dig in deeper to me, even though it hurts and gets evermore closer to my center. But God wants even more room to give me His Fullness of Joy, because the deeper that He digs me, the more abundantly He can overflow :) How great! That only when we know the depths of true suffering and sacrifice (something like an empty well) it is then that we can see that much more of True Joy (A huge reservoir full of water)!!! I can sometimes get carried away with symbolism..... :o)
So Prayers are still needed for the family, because though God has done so much already, there is still much to be done! But Praise and Thank Him because prayers have already been answered!
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness!" Psalm 30:11
*Isaiah 43: 1-4, 16, 19
