It has only been a month since December 27th, 2007, but it seems like an entire lifetime ago.
There are no words to describe what John meant to me. Words like brother, best friend, mentor, etc. just cannot convey what John really was and will always be for me. I guess you could say that he was the other half of my heart. He and I could complete each other's sentences and we had the same memories/thoughts about life and could always muster up laughs about ourselves. He meant alot to many, but only a few of us had our hearts taken apart bit by bit and reassembled. For me, it wasn't just a broken heart, but a schredded heart, something that only God could put back together. And is still putting back together. If it were not for the Hope of Glory, Christ, I would be a complete wreck at this moment. It's bad enough as it is. Except for God and my relationship with Him, John was the most important thing in my life.
When I first heard about John's death my first thought was to praise God in all circumstances: meaning at this time too. I have to continue to praise God for His goodness. I know that God had a beautiful purpose in His timing of John's death and I can never be upset with God for"letting this terrible thing happen". I am so thankful that John was in my immediate family, that we shared so much, and that we could both fellowship together in Spirit and in truth. God has given me so much and is continuing to bless me and my family through this.
The biggest help has been through our wonderful church. Let me just say that these people are truly my spiritual family. No one holds a better place in my heart than those at Calvary Chapel Aggieland that know and love me. The Spirit has put a special outpouring of His love there and besides being with my real family, they there is no place I would rather be than at my second home. I feel like such a special person when I am around these people, their joy and hope is so contagious! Laura and I have grown so much closer as sisters and I am so glad that we can both support each other to look to God during this time. She is such a joy to have here in College Station as well as Katelan and Meredith. They are so good to me, they let me bunk out at their house all the time and never complain or kick me out. John's close friends are also so good to hear from time to time as older brothers telling me funny stories about him. That was one of the best things at the visitation service in College Station---having his friends to tell the weird and wacky stories about John to make me laugh and remember John as he was. I can't tell these people thank you enough for their love and care for me as a fellow sister in Christ!
I have been listening to the song "Glorious Day" by Todd Agnew today and it is so true that Jesus is coming back and it will be such a glorious day. John inspired all of us to daily take our cross and live for Jesus and just think about the joy that John is sharing with Jesus at this very moment. God is magnificient in ALL His ways and He loves us and has adopted us into His fold. Death is not the end because those of us who are saved will rise again in Christ and live forever with the Trinity in the Heavenly places. Like I said before, but for the hope of glory, Christ in me, my life would be a total wreck. All of my life I want to be to the Glory of God and that every breath I breathe to be sweet worship to my Savior. He is everything I will ever need and that I have to surrender all of my pineapples*(people, ambitions, dreams, goals, materials) to Him and that He will bring what I need.
And even when I feel like life shouldn't be moving on, it does, and will continue to. Life is still worth living, now more than ever---all for the glory of God and the saving of souls. Each morning God's mercies are new and my purpose is still clear in Him. I will continue to pursue the prize set before me with all perserverance and hope that God has promised and that He is faithful! Praise God for His work in my life and for the wonderous things He allowed John to be apart of and the things He did through John.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Ephesians 3:20
*Listen to the Pineapple Story by Otto Koning
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
ChristmasTime
What an amazing Christmas it was!
Though I had about two weeks before Christmas to be home, work, decorate, etc, it never felt like Christmas until John got home Christmas eve. Then it was Christmas. We stayed up (sorta) watching The Christmas Story like we do every year and trying to figure out what are in those packages under our tree. I love our family and how everytime of year is great but that the holidays are that much more special.
My dad really likes to go have breakfast at IHOP (when we lived in Midland) and then Inn of the Hills in Kerrville. So we woke up at about 8 and consumed vast amounts of food (not a good idea before opening presents) and then began the wondrous task of opening gifts. After dozens of gifts, many looks of amazement and countless sighs, the ordeal was over....or was it. Do you ever have the feeling that you got alot of stuff that you like but still not anything that you wanted in particular? Just as my mom and I were about to begin cleaning up the wrapping paper shreds and bags my dad had appeared with a black case in the shape of a guitar. Yep...just was I thought....only days before had dad mentioned something about how they "were trying to cut back this year" as we passed a music store with a somewhat sarcastic tone in his voice. O Happy Day....now John can start teaching me how to play alot more than just once in a while.
Christmas Dinner was already cooking and now was the time to finish up the dressing, pies, potatoes, etc. So after watching our favorite version of A Christmas Carol, and more consumption of holiday goodies our family does what it does best......nap. Everyone except for Kellen of course who remained awake from 7:30 to late that night. Yet after all of our naps we headed off to a basball field at an old middle school to play some family baseball. It was really a version of a home run derby (I guess we could call it a hitting derby) but we played just the same. Kellen won :) with 16 hits before being struck out with three strikes but dad and I came in close with 14 hits. Not that it really matters because John played soft only getting 11 hits.
We were sorry to see John go that night at 10:30 but it was all just such a wonderful day and he did have to go to work the next day. John called me about 20 minutes later because he ran into the Calvary Chapel Pastor of New Braunfels getting gas and was so excited.
Christmas is more than gifts, food and family, but its about fellowship amongst believers in the assurance of Christ. I have been thinking about the promises that God makes and that He ALWAYS fulfills them. God is the author and finisher of our faith and that He will complete every good work that He has started. The purpose of Christmas was a fulfillment of God's love to His people. It brings joy and hope to all, salvation to any who would receive it. That's why Christmas is celebrated. Not just for the gifts and the family, but that Christ came to earth to save sinners and that he came to bring me an everlasting life.
I love this time of year and I love Christmas but I love each and everyday of my life because I get to talk to my Lord and walk in His presence. Having the Holy Spirit makes each day purposeful and a joy to live spreading the good news. Praise Jesus for coming to bring peace in my heart and joy in my life.
Though I had about two weeks before Christmas to be home, work, decorate, etc, it never felt like Christmas until John got home Christmas eve. Then it was Christmas. We stayed up (sorta) watching The Christmas Story like we do every year and trying to figure out what are in those packages under our tree. I love our family and how everytime of year is great but that the holidays are that much more special.
My dad really likes to go have breakfast at IHOP (when we lived in Midland) and then Inn of the Hills in Kerrville. So we woke up at about 8 and consumed vast amounts of food (not a good idea before opening presents) and then began the wondrous task of opening gifts. After dozens of gifts, many looks of amazement and countless sighs, the ordeal was over....or was it. Do you ever have the feeling that you got alot of stuff that you like but still not anything that you wanted in particular? Just as my mom and I were about to begin cleaning up the wrapping paper shreds and bags my dad had appeared with a black case in the shape of a guitar. Yep...just was I thought....only days before had dad mentioned something about how they "were trying to cut back this year" as we passed a music store with a somewhat sarcastic tone in his voice. O Happy Day....now John can start teaching me how to play alot more than just once in a while.
Christmas Dinner was already cooking and now was the time to finish up the dressing, pies, potatoes, etc. So after watching our favorite version of A Christmas Carol, and more consumption of holiday goodies our family does what it does best......nap. Everyone except for Kellen of course who remained awake from 7:30 to late that night. Yet after all of our naps we headed off to a basball field at an old middle school to play some family baseball. It was really a version of a home run derby (I guess we could call it a hitting derby) but we played just the same. Kellen won :) with 16 hits before being struck out with three strikes but dad and I came in close with 14 hits. Not that it really matters because John played soft only getting 11 hits.
We were sorry to see John go that night at 10:30 but it was all just such a wonderful day and he did have to go to work the next day. John called me about 20 minutes later because he ran into the Calvary Chapel Pastor of New Braunfels getting gas and was so excited.
Christmas is more than gifts, food and family, but its about fellowship amongst believers in the assurance of Christ. I have been thinking about the promises that God makes and that He ALWAYS fulfills them. God is the author and finisher of our faith and that He will complete every good work that He has started. The purpose of Christmas was a fulfillment of God's love to His people. It brings joy and hope to all, salvation to any who would receive it. That's why Christmas is celebrated. Not just for the gifts and the family, but that Christ came to earth to save sinners and that he came to bring me an everlasting life.
I love this time of year and I love Christmas but I love each and everyday of my life because I get to talk to my Lord and walk in His presence. Having the Holy Spirit makes each day purposeful and a joy to live spreading the good news. Praise Jesus for coming to bring peace in my heart and joy in my life.
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